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staciblaine
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Name: Staci
Birthday: 5/14/1985
Interests: I am a member of pro-ana blogrings, but don't be confused. I have joined them because I care, and I want to invite everyone to visit my blog and maybe hear an alternative voice. The idealization of thinness in our culture and its consequences break my heart...
Expertise: fallibility
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
6/3/2005
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| Because I am listed as engaged on facebook, 90% of the ads along the right margin are wedding ads. And most of those are about weight loss. "Want to be a thin bride?" "Will your wedding dress fit?" It really pisses me off. The occasion is already really commercialized, so of course companies are going to employ one of the main marketing strategies to women - body insecurity. Women are susceptible to putting all of their thought and energy into preparing for this one day, rather than the lifetime of marriage that comes after the event. Choose a partner who loves you for who you are - who will continue to be committed to you when you gain weight after having children and when you grow older. Enjoy the celebration and accept the unconditional love that surrounds you.
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Someone I love told me they have had an eating disorder for years. I'm shocked, and I'm heartbroken.
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| I read an interesting and troubling book review in the Pennsylvania Gazette (http://www.upenn.edu/gazette/0308/arts05.html).
It actually discusses two books:
Third Base Ain’t What It Used to Be by Logan Levkoff and Restless Virgins by Abigail Jones and Marissa Miley. While it sort of makes me afraid to have kids, it also makes me wish parents would spend more time with their kids, talk to them more, and not ship them off to prep schools. Restless Virgins is written by two graduates of a New England prep school. It describes a culture in which “guys
expected [oral sex] from girls, and many girls accepted the
expectation, pleasuring the guy (oftentimes without reciprocation) and
hoping for, in return, a potential increase in social status and
attention.” Similarly, Levkoff interviewed eighth-graders who called oral sex third base, but really only for the guys. When asked if they had received oral sex, they were shocked and replied, "that's gross!" Levkoff expressed concern that there will be "a new generation of women who are set up to be mere performers in their sexual encounters.” That is the attitude of someone who believes that sexual encounters are natural and healthy for young girls. Without even discussing the appropriate age or context for sexual experimentation, I'll just say it's disturbing that 12-year-olds are giving oral sex.
I find myself asking, when did oral sex become so expected? What are young guys learning about sex, expecting from girls, asking of girls? I recently typed the word "porn" into google to check out what "lessons" are so readily available. I clicked the link to a website, which has more links to videos with captions next to them. I was horrified to read captions such as "Drugged out teen forced to get cummed on," "This British slut swallows load," "Hot chick can't wait to give up her virginity. Pop that cherry, boy!" and "Hot brunette takes a huge cumshot while jerking this guy's cock." I knew that porn was degrading to women and damaging to relationships, but I never knew that it was to this extent.
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I think that my entries have changed direction a little, away from
issues related to anorexia and towards gender relations and sex.
This happened because I was personally overwhelmed with these issues,
and as I faced them more directly, I came to believe they are at the
root of body image issues. But I want to turn back to the first
issue I am concerned with - pro-anorexia and pro-recovery blogrings.
There
are thousands of girls, and some men too, who have joined pro-ana groups. They are
determined to lose weight, and they try to eat as little as possible
while exercising as much as possible. They encourage each other
to "stay strong" and share photos of models and actresses as
"thinspiration." I have asked myself, do these people have
anorexia? Or is it a form of extreme dieting?
It's a
difficult question to answer. But I'm not sure it's a truly
important question. Most likely, most of them do not have the
psychological disorder that makes eating normally impossible.
What is crucial is that thousands of guys, girls, and women are desperate to
be thin and are starving themselves in an attempt to get there.
There are also thousands of people who are members of pro-recovery
groups, but they often use the same strategies of posting their daily
intakes, goal weights, and thinspiration. I think the Internet is
a valuable tool to communicate with people who can empathize with this
incredibly difficult ordeal, but it still gravely worries me to see so
many women and men immersed in this culture.
"Forcing" people into
treatment isn't the answer - it won't be successful unless the person
is willing to tackle the monster of a disorder and is motivated to
struggle towards recovery. How do we make recovery more
attractive? I don't know, but I do wish anorexia wasn't such a
socially condemned disorder. Our society is so hypocritical - we
are bombarded with messages to lose weight, but if weight obsession
turns into anorexia, it is seen as a personal failure. Nobody
becomes anorexic by themselves, and nobody can recover from it by
herself. If more people understood anorexia, as well as the
grueling recovery process, perhaps more people would be willing to admit
their problem and seek help.
"smiling is the only symptom that I can fake"
I don't want men or women to hide behind fake smiles. They are hurting and deserve to be heard.
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Superficiality
Women - do you obsess about image? Do you want to be a hipster? A model?
Men - do you want a trophy girlfriend? do you look for the fantasy offered by cheap movies?
Everywhere I see ads about sex appeal. Everywhere I see women "strutting their stuff" to attract men. Everywhere I see men ogling women and viewing pornography.
Where does this lead? When you lose interest in your partner or get dumped, do you move on to the next? Don't you want to get to know someone underneath the surface, don't you want them to know and love you? Don't you want to be with someone with similar interests and priorities, someone who is kind and respectful? Beauty is fleeting, and while sex may satisfy your cravings in the present, it will not satisfy you long-term.
I have been with my partner for about a year. We have had some challenging confrontations, but we can be honest with each other and are forgiving of one another. When you can depend on someone like that, it is truly valuable.
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